I spent a long time trying to become someone people would love.
Not in a poetic way. In a very literal, very thorough, very exhausting way.
When I think about where it started, I go back to being six years old in Grade One, sitting in a classroom where we were all learning how to be watched. There was a reading exercise. One by one, students were called to the front of the class, handed a book, and made to read along with a record playing overhead while everyone stared.
It was my turn. I needed to pee. I was six.
I remember looking at all those faces staring back at me and making a decision that made perfect sense at the time. If I stood completely still, maybe the pee would go down one leg and into my shoe.
It did not.
That moment followed me for years. Not because it was funny, but because of what came after. The bullying was constant. Things escalated in ways that are hard to explain and harder to forget.
By the time I got to Grade Six, I understood
How to read a room and disappear inside it. How quickly a kid can be defined and how hard it is to undo that once it sticks.
I did what a lot of people do when they stop feeling safe. I got good at becoming whatever was needed. I learned how to be agreeable, flexible, easy. I learned how to become the version of me that made things go smoothly.
When I became a teenager, I dated like that too.
I dated the way vendors in Mexican markets sell handbags.
Whatever the person in front of me wanted, I had it. You like hockey? Me too. You hate confrontation? Perfect, I don’t have opinions that aren’t adjustable. You want calm, easy, low maintenance? I can do that. And for a long time, it worked.
But there is a cost to becoming easy to love. Eventually, you stop knowing what is actually you and what is just what kept you safe.
Authenticity, in theory, sounds simple. Be yourself. Show up as you are. But that assumes you learned it was safe to do that in the first place. I didn’t arrive at authenticity through insight or wisdom. I didn't have a breakthrough moment.
I just ran out of shapes.
I stopped trying to manage how I was being perceived.
I started speaking more directly, more honestly, more awkwardly. I said the things people usually edit out. Not because it was strategic, but because I was tired of editing. I didn't care anymore.
But instead of turning away, they leaned in.
Over time, that built a community of 2.5 million people across platforms, and the most common thing I hear is not that I am polished or perfect. It is that I say the things they think. That I'm awkward and weird, but relateable and genuine.
That something about it feels real.
And I thought that meant I had “figured it out."
Now...
I think alot of barriers stand between us and authenticity. Our environment can force us to adapt what I call 'survival adaptations' like, people pleasing & perfectionism. It happens without us realising it and what it took from us.
People spouting just "Be yourself" love to make it simple & easy.
But for some, it requires grief -- for the years spent trying to be less. It requires putting down armor that was built for good reason. That is a different ask and is not acknowledged with the simplicity that it is said.
For some, figuring out how to "Be Yourself" requires real work.
This has become my passion
Speaking, facilitating workshops, and consulting with individuals, creators, and teams who are trying to do something similar in their own context. Not perform better. Not brand themselves more effectively. But figure out their story, what is actually theirs and how to find the difference between performing and presence. In my workshops and consulting, I help businesses and creators get clear on who they are - What social media is actually for - How to stop telling and start showing - Event Architecture. Content that requires less thought, less guessing and makes your lives a little easier.